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What Would You Do?

A question was asked recently on a forum I visit which got me thinking about some things. While this isn’t the exact question that was asked, I’m curious to know what any (or all!) of you would do when faced with the following scenario:

It is likely that you have a specific medical condition. There is no cure, but the condition is not immediately life-threatening (studies don’t show increased morbidity at all, unless complications arise). Treatments may or may not alleviate the symptoms, which, while annoying, are things you’ve lived with for several years before this possible diagnosis even appeared on the horizon.

What would you do? Would you seek a diagnosis just to have a diagnosis? Or would you just leave well enough alone? If you would seek a diagnosis, would you opt for treatment that may not work and definitely has side effects?

I know I’m being purposely vague here . . . because honestly, there are likely a myriad conditions to which the above scenario can be applied.

Discuss away! ūüôā

Being

First of all, I wanted to thank all of you who took the time to read and comment on my last post.  I was in a discouraging place, and your kind and thought-provoking words helped me move on from there.

I’ve felt more sure of myself since writing (ever notice how writing is cathartic like that?), but for some reason have hesitated to post anything else on here. ¬†I now know why. ¬†There was a post I needed to read first before being able to sort out my thoughts.

Our lives are filled with a myriad ‘forks in the road’ as it were. ¬†Choices are made every day that can alter the way our lives play out. ¬†There is often not a wrong or a right to the everyday, mundane choices we make. ¬†(Thank goodness, or can you imagine the utter paralysing fear that we’d be in constantly????)

I made the mistake of presuming that the voice inside my head telling me that I’m not good enough was unavoidable. ¬†That I had no choice but to hear it. ¬†Truth of the matter is, I DO choose to hear it . . . most likely from fear of rejection (I’ve had issues with THAT my entire 35 years of life . . . ugh!).

Well, no more!

Today, and every day if necessary, I CHOOSE to be the person God created me to be . . .

I CHOOSE to be a Godly wife who submits herself willingly to a righteous husband’s leadership

I CHOOSE to be a mother who teaches her only son how to become a righteous man through the everyday learning process that is our home school

I CHOOSE to be the listening ears, the warm embrace, the LOVE that friendship is all about

I CHOOSE to follow God’s plan for me . . .

which means . . .

I CHOOSE to sing as if no one but God is listening

(PS ~ this post was written on Tuesday, but I delayed posting until today because I was hoping to figure out how to use the technology available to me to add a clip of me singing, which obviously hasn’t happened yet . . . stay tuned?)

Becoming

Anybody who knows me knows I love music. ¬†I’m happiest when I’m listening to beautiful music, or sitting at the piano playing what comes into my head, and especially when I’m singing . . .

Lately though, it seems like the limited¬†opportunities¬†I have had to sing aren’t enough. ¬†I’m in my element during the Christmas season when I’ve got choir rehearsals every week. ¬†But, once January hits and there are no more rehearsals, I find myself fighting a funk.

It’s hard to explain how I feel when I’m singing. ¬†The best description I can come up with is that when I’m NOT singing, I feel earthbound, trapped in some way that I can’t quite escape. ¬†When I sing, I fly . . . I’m free . . . I soar above all the heartache and hurt and ‘stuff’ of this earthly existence and I become who I am meant to be.

I want that flying, freeing feeling more often. ¬†And yet . . . and yet, I’m scared.

All my life, people have told me that I have a gift for music, that I have a pretty singing voice. ¬†But, no matter what anyone says, always, always in the back of my mind there’s this nagging voice telling me that they are just being nice, humouring me.

I’m sure you’ve seen the show American Idol. ¬†The audition shows are impossible for me to watch. ¬†I see those kids who think they’ve got what it takes, but really don’t . . . and I see me . . . I can just see myself walking in to that room and hearing Simon Cowell (ok, so he’s no longer on the show, but you get my point) telling me that I’m awful, horrible and should never sing again.

I’m caught in a catch 22 I think . . . the only time I can’t hear the voice inside my head telling me that I can’t sing is when I’m actually singing . . . but hearing that voice has made it harder for me to actually do the thing that makes me stop hearing it. I’ve already stopped singing solos, which I used to love to do.

I don’t know how to stop hopping around on the ground and allow myself to feel free to fly . . . to become . . .

I wish I did.