Invisible

Yep. That’s how I feel 99% of the time. It’s gotten to the point where I’m constantly over-sharing on Facebook where I know that people don’t REALLY want to know the stuff I’m saying, simply so that I can feel like someone SEES me.

I don’t want to be fawned over. That has never been, nor will it ever be, my style. I intensely dislike being in the ‘spotlight’ unless I’m on stage. I’m not looking for people to feel sorry for me.

I do, however, feel like I’m completely passed over (by a majority of the people I know . . . there are a few here and there who always stop and say hello, bless their hearts!) unless someone needs me. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely to be needed, but it gets a little transparent when no one realises I might need THEM.

I might need them to actually care more than a perfunctory ‘how are you? heard you haven’t been feeling well’ comment when you know they don’t REALLY want to know the real answer to that question. I might need a friend who actually sees ME and can tell when I’m faking the smile . . . I might need to feel loved instead of just needed (and yes, there is a difference).

Before anyone says that I need to reach out to people instead of waiting for them to reach out to me, rest assured, I DO! I just wish it would come to more than just an occasional casual friendship. It’s been 2 years since my most recent BFF moved away, and I miss her so much. L was just the kind of person who could see ME for ME . . . and I could see her for her . . . and I miss that. I absolutely know that she’s where she is supposed to be, but at the same time, I miss knowing that no matter what, there was someone close by (in my own city) who actually could tell I’m not invisible.

I’m so tired . . . and it’s not just the autoimmune issues talking. I am weary of pretending everything’s ok. I would LOVE to have someone to hold my hand when I say that and say ‘I know it’s not.’

I just want a friend.

Marriage Mondays

This poor blog of mine has been sadly neglected. I am going to do better though, and try to post more often. I’ve got some great crochet projects that I haven’t shared yet, and some books I haven’t reviewed (not going to do a March Reading Roundup, but may choose to do separate posts for each book), and thoughts I’ve not yet shared! 😆

But first, I’m going to start a ‘blog series’ called “Marriage Mondays”. I don’t know about you, but my husband is my very best friend in the entire world. I love him with all my heart, and as good as our marriage is, I know it can only get better if I make even more of an effort to show my love and appreciation for him! 🙂

I’m on Pinterest, and have found a tonne of fabulous ideas for enriching your marriage. However, the ideas won’t enrich my marriage if I don’t actually USE them, right? 😉 In that vein, I started a project last week. The original idea as posted on Pinterest was 99 Things You Might Be Thankful For About Your Husband, and suggested that you send an email/text every day to let him know you’re thinking of him. Some of the ideas are things that don’t apply to my situation, so I altered the idea a bit and am doing a 52~week project where I send J an e-card every week and include something from my own list of 52 things (if you want to see my list, let me know).

So, for anyone who may happen to read this someday, I encourage you to make your marriage even more of a priority. Let your sweetheart know how much you love them!